Ch-ch-ch-changes
[info]errorsofourways
I can smell the changes coming now, before they seemed so far off, a distant thing to strive for, a tantalizing fruit dangling just out of reach.

But it's all very soon now.....the movers are booked for Saturday, I found someone to drive me (yay sister), a new roommate to take my room, new apartment, new job and a chance to finally get out of the city, to throw this smog cloak from off my shoulders and live a little bit closer to the things that matter. The thought of the 4 minute walk to work and the view of the river outside my new window has been keeping me going lately in the flurry of activity of leaving here, the picking of my brain for all the information it holds, and the doing of a million and one small tasks.

I'm a bit apprehensive, but only in the way that you are when you're changing everything in a fell swoop, and everything that is familiar is going to fall by the wayside, at least for now.......but overall I am just so ready. So ready to leave, to take on new challenges, to have a bit of peace and quiet, to still my mind and just be, rather than just getting caught up in everything that comes my way.
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Random thoughts of the moment
[info]errorsofourways
* I need to get my G2, i've just realized my G1 expires in October of 2010, might as well attempt to finish something WITHOUT the deadline looming over me.

* I need to get my passport, i might need to go on a trip. Even if it's just a bus trip or something to the US. A bit of change could be good.

* Google, i love you more as the days go by.......fancy storage of Gmail, complete with ninja theme, Reader to organize all the crafty and nerdy blogs and such i seem to read, calendar to organize my life, Documents for online document storage........how would i live without you? Also, you are a pretty fabulous search engine and are my homepage. Love Gillian

* Tim horton's coffee may fill me with rage---i just drank some and almost popped my work computer one for lagging very ridiculously......but still, maybe an over-reaction. It's bad when WORD is lagging though. Stupid computer.

* I saw Tori amos in concert last night randomly, as Heather's sister bailed on her tickets and we used them ......I'd forgotten how  Tori Amos is CRAZY. Like it made me a bit uncomfortable to be in the same room as her, and I sorta wanted to strangle her as well as admonish her in my grandma's voice to "sit nicely on that piano bench". Clearly the moment where i enjoyed her has past. Though i did like hearing some of the old favs sung in person, i was just not feeling the concert. Also, at times she was reminding me of a Morticia Adams/Ozzy Osbourne hybrid who just *MIGHT* bite the head off a bat at any moment. yiiikes.

* I've been making more time to sew and do crafty things lately and it's been so relaxing. Unfortunately my sewing machine sounds like it is going to DIE (it sounds like an old car attempting to chug up a hill when you press the foot to sew, and no amount of taking the damn thing apart and oiling it seems to help)  so i'm just going to finish up the baby quilt i'm fworking on and take the thing in for a LONG needed tune-up. Hopefully it is not declared DOA. I am hoping I also don't return from the sewing machine repair store with a serger, cuz i reeeeeallly want one and i do hear this place is good and has them pretty cheap.......hmm. Restrain me, someone!

* I'm looking into different kinds of jobs, but i clearly 1. need Word on my laptop to apply for things (else could possibly use new discovery of Google Documents yay) and 2. need to schedule some time to myself to apply for jobs without things such as MSN being turned on.....that is my kryptonite.

* Perhaps, just perhaps, one needs more than 5 hours of sleep a night to function properly. I gotta get on that.

* I've been looking into going back to school. Thoughts are happening. This might be in the works. I think it's needed.

* It's funny how you're the closest person to me right now and feel the farthest away.
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"Youll never see that side of me"
[info]errorsofourways
Over and over can't decide whether i should hold on or let go, move fast or move slow give up or give my all
watch myself fall through half closed lids as cars skid across 2 lanes of traffic jam packed and bustling busy the heat of the city and i'm the only one  hot and raring to go moving slow languid in the heat of the day watch me pray for love where i have none THIS AIN'T NO FUN i'm losing my connection to everything in your reflection and yet i can't quite send you on your way.
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"I wonder who we are when we're not pretending"
[info]errorsofourways
I am jumpy and scatter-brained and heart-racing
I am Jack's unresolved problem.
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thought......
[info]errorsofourways
I need to have a shirt that says "LJ is my therapist"
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"I need a glimpse of the future, to see if you're there..."
[info]errorsofourways

As usual, the horoscope below just about sums it up. I am having a really hard time lately at letting go of past habits (well ones I wish were past habits anyways) and am all with the uncertainty lately too. I feel like I've misplaced that confidence that everything I touch is awesome that I used to have.......I have to get some semblance of that back, cuz i am driving myself crazy second-guessing everything I do, and  getting stuck in a loop of not doing anything/not getting things finished, because i just don't feel like anything is living up to the expectations in my head. But it's a process I know......just will take time. I guess this is not helped by feeling that I am generally slacking off at life, but still am having success in a conventional sense/ in the eyes of others, while feeling like I sorta suck in my own eyes, since none of it is at all satisfying or fulfilling me in the ways that are the most important.......

And really, I am just not seeing people in person enough and am getting a bit lonely/bored/apathetic/focused on certain people.......time to fix that, get some fresh air and new perspectives, and I'm sure the other things will fall into place again, i just need that switch to be flipped in my head sooner rather than later.

Horoscope:

March 23, 2009
Choice And Effect
Gemini Daily Horoscope
You could feel uneasy and conflicted today, as if you are being pulled in two different directions. You might long for a brighter future, but at the same time you could be struggling with letting go of past habits. The underlying emotion that could be causing these feelings is uncertainty. Perhaps you harbor feelings of fear about how your actions today will affect your future, or you might be unclear about the changes you truly want to make. If you set aside some time to gain a greater sense of clarity about what you want your life to be, you will be able to see your situation more clearly and make definite decisions. Reviewing your options and the potential outcome of each should give you clues about the right direction to take.

Taking time to explore our options and consider their possible outcomes can give us the clarity and foresight to make wiser decisions. Although certain outcomes might be less desirable than others, we can benefit from understanding that there are truly no wrong decisions in life. Each decision we make simply brings about certain circumstances as part of the cycle of cause and effect. If we are not pleased with our circumstances, we always have the power to choose differently. Approaching our decision-making process with open-minded awareness will help us to feel more empowered so that we can make the kinds of choices that will most benefit us. You can ease your conflicted emotions today by fully exploring the possibilities available to you and choosing the ones that seem most beneficial.

 

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This pretty much describes everything to a tea.
[info]errorsofourways
Gemini (May 22-June 21) The Twins
Element: Air Ruling Planet: Gemini They are the masters of duality. The Twins are curious to see what the world can teach, and what they can teach the world. Geminis only pretend to travel in a straight line. Their perceptions can take in an entire panorama in an instant. This sign can stop on a dime and change directions as smoothly as a champion Olympic skater. Geminis enjoy moving simultaneously on several fronts while they juggle multiple ideas effortlessly.

One shadow of airy Gemini is nervous anxiety. Another is a lack of concentration. Overcoming these tendencies makes life more user-friendly for them and more predictable for those of us who live with them. This is probably the most adaptable of all the signs. A common mistaken assumption is that Geminis cannot get to the depth of a subject. One area in which Geminis will not (and better not) compromise is in striving for mental or educational excellence! Those born under this sign make wonderful consultants or teachers. Geminis can paint word pictures that brilliantly reframe life for the rest of us.

Relationship Tendencies In relationships, Geminis are diversified. They can be fun to be around because of their vivid imaginations. Geminis are attracted to people who communicate easily and intelligently. Geminis do not seek or honor commitments that interfere with their right to free thinking. Read this last sentence again--it may be the most important one in this section. In traditional astrology, the key phrase for this sign is "I think." The Twins won't completely reveal their thoughts and value intellectual freedom. This air sign can do two or three things simultaneously, while many of us are still reading the directions. It is ruled by the winged messenger, Mercury. The mind is treasured by this sign. Thoughts are about as valuable as money in the bank to many of them. The main attributes of Gemini are mental imaging power and the ability to clearly translate life experiences into understandable terms.

The Gemini Woman She thinks as fast as she walks--and I mean fast! The curious Twins open their eyes wide when learning adventures present themselves. The Gemini woman is an artist with words. She is adept at handling herself well in most social situations. She will not expect you to be as articulate as she can be, but she does need to hear you talk. Trust comes directly from the spoken word with this sign.

The rap on Gemini is that it is a sign lacking steady focus. The Gemini woman can be absorbed in one thing and, in an instant, be captivated by something else. This is a sign that needs multiple outlets. The more diverse her activities are, the more loving she will be. Gemini will not waste much time on people, places, or things that are not mentally challenging. Boredom is not a comfortable state of existence for this sign. It is best to keep learning with the Gemini woman. She really respects intelligence and open-mindedness.

Adaptability is an endearing feature of this sign. It comes guaranteed at birth. Geminis delight in being with people whose likes and dislikes are different than their own. It's true! They're probably excited by the mental adventure of being able to coexist with foreign entities. The Gemini woman expects to have her own unique ideas tolerated and accepted.

Geminis like to travel. When they're on the move is often the best time to really get to know them, whether traveling around town or across the country. The Gemini woman is easy to get to know on one hand, yet complicated on the other. The duality of the Twins is important to acknowledge. She will extend a warm and open hand of love and friendship to you, but the other hand seems to be withheld. It may take years for her to truly reach out to you. If she does, consider yourself lucky. This is part of the hidden side of this deeply perceptive sign. The female Gemini is even more mysterious than the man in this way. She'll let you read her to an extent, but she retains a hidden set of books exclusively for her own playful imagination. Enjoy her dance of the seven veils, but don't expect her to discard them too quickly and reveal herself to you. Let her become known to you in her own way and on her own terms. She is a treasure worth waiting for--honest!


Check out yours:
http://www.dailyom.com/library/000/000/000000114.html

Dear horoscope, how come you are always totally right and appropriate lately?
[info]errorsofourways

February 17, 2009
Awareness In Interactions
Gemini Daily Horoscope
You may want to get closer to others, and this could cause you to be more assertive in your relationships today. You could notice that this desire to acquire deeper connections with those around you compels you to be more vehement in your interactions. Today you might consider examining the ways in which you bond with people. If you have a tendency toward being intense in relationships and expecting someone else’s full attention, you may want to work on simply letting the relationship unfold naturally. You might try observing your interactions and becoming aware of the means you use to draw others closer. Watch yourself as if you were a silent observer, and make note of the tactics you use. You may notice that once you become aware of your level of intensity in relationships, it becomes easier to let your interactions occur effortlessly.

Understanding the ways in which we interact in relationships helps us build healthier connections with other people. If we act impetuously and force a connection with others, it only makes them wary of being in a relationship with us. We forget that interaction should be between two or more people and we should respect and honor the other person’s needs in the relationship. Paying attention to the nature of our communication style allows us to more fully respond to another person’s needs. By doing so, we deepen our connection with each other more fully. Examining your style of interaction today will give you a greater means to understand other people and forge deeper bonds with them.
 

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Quiz thingy!!!!!!!
[info]errorsofourways
How many songs total: 1371

How many hours or days of music: 3.6 days

Most recently played: The Roaming Sky,  Royal Wod, Tall Tales EP

Most played: Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts-Wolf Parade-19 times

Most recently added: Elgin Avenue, Danny Michel ALbum: In the Belly of a Whalte (who can tell I'm currently ripping CDs to Itunes)

Sort by song title:
First Song: About a Girl (Nirvana Cover)-Cibo Matto
Last Song: The 88's-Hide Another Mistake Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: Kip_what- Napoleon Dynamite Soundtrack 0:01
Longest Song: Recording a Tunnel (the Invisible Bells)-Bell Orchestre 13:29

Sort by album:
First album: Hooverphonic _abductions and recoveries
Last album: Young Modern-Silverchair

First song that comes up on Shuffle: So Sorry-Feist

Search the following and state how many songs come up:
Death - 28
Life -28
Love - 73
Hate – 14
You - 141
Sex – 90
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"The seasons have changed and so have we"
[info]errorsofourways
I have to teach my brain to think in a new way, to not think of where I was at this point last year, but where I WILL be at this point next year and what steps I need to take to make this a reality.
I think I'll take my yoga teacher's advice.......do yoga until the answers come to you. Cuz really, overanalyzing and driving myself mad isn't really helping me to come to any decisions or take any action. 
I guess overall I just want to be more mindful, to make more of a difference, to think of new and interesting things rather than just getting through the day, just churning out documents, just searching for some semblance of fascination in anything that I'm doing.
I want meaning and depth and to be excited about things again. I want more knowledge and to keep learning and growing and changing, rather than feeling like I'm stuck in this stagnant place with this face I don't recognize anymore.

But a few first steps have been made:
......started updating my resume, just in case.
......Set up an Etsy shop.--but going to get things together and work on it a bit more before I give out the info. Request away/remind me of any crafts in particular that I have given you over the years that you love and would go back to get in the case of a zombie outbreak.
.......Working on getting all of those things done that are actually really important, but easy to put off. I have made a giant categorized list. Examples of things on my procrastining list: get line of credit with BMO instead, to pay off student line of credit, since i get a good employee rate, bring dog for follow-up to the vet, get a family doctor etc.........i'm glad I broke it into sections, cuz otherwise the list is MASSIVE.
........Try to resolve some drama that has been bothering me. A few emails have gone out........some has been resolved, some not. I feel better about it anyways, which is really all that matters i guess.
........talked to the tenant board about how to go about keeping apartment.......wrote a letter to assign the lease. Hopefully will be all smooth sailing.

It's a start........

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